Sloe comfortable screw up against the wall
no i did not spell slow wrong. that is the name of a drink! haha man the way-out-there things you learn when you work in the bar of a restaurant. FUNNY. more to come btw. you dont have to be a nutang member to comment~

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Caramel Macchiato
A growing addiction

Today was GREAT! It's Janet's sweet sixteen. That silly dork didn't "want" any attention at all about her bday...but too bad coz she's got people who love her too much! haha so i had NO idea how to pull off what i wanted to set up for her "surprise party". Thank god she was doing absolutely nothing after school. I lied to her about leaving her present at home, and that she had to come with me to my house to get it. haha it was THE stupidest thing. Me and my stupid stomach decided that it wanted to be hungry so we stopped at McD's. (btw, Janet was blindfolded with my scarf the whole time) Anyways, I was like Janet we're really close to my house. And she was like uh...there's no McD's near your place. Man i was like..UHHH they just built one!! it was so...stupid. So we finally arrived at Vintage Billiards since i know janerz loves to play pool, and i told tim to run inside and tell people to shut up until she comes in. And obviously, my house doesnt have an automatic door and it has TWO steps, not one. so Janet was already suspicious but had NO idea. When we got in i was like...uh my house smells bad ..hehe... trying to cover up the musty cigarette smell at the pool place. so when we took off her blindfold she was like WOW! and it was exciting. I'm so happy she had fun.

the funny things people do when they're blindfolded
so. we were in the car and got some food from McDonalds. she wanted a burger, and i was like want it now? she said yes and i handed it to her and her hands reached out WAY far. that was crazy funny. but here's the kicker. haha she couldnt see the burger. duh. but the light turned red, and i looked over at her, and at that same moment, Janet stuck her tongue out and licked the burger. O M G. I told her that i saw that and we seriously burst out cracking up like BUTTs. it was funny beyond wordS!!!

i quit drill today...retired raiderette? quite sad...

Caramel Macchiatos are awesome!

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WINTERBALL WAS FUN! we went to Koharu, the best restaurant in AMERICA so i had fun! pix:

i love shpallo <3

man...don't you want in on this action? XP

look, the pool table's made of grasS!

fun times like no other! more to come...

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Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
THe past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

okay. wtf. i finally got my license. and my dad's like. I can take you to school. he used to fucking complain that he had to take me and shit. i swear. he fucking gets pleasure out of getting under my skin. i try not to let him. but what the fucking hell is fucking wrong with him? my mom's leaving to singapore, so he tells me "when's she gone, i'm the boss here. im in control." i was like. what the fuck. you cant even fucking take care of yourself. all you do is seriously push yourself closer to death and you want to take care of me? if you can't even set a fucking example don't even try to "raise me" when you feel like it. I swear his ideal of raising me is by making me his fucking slave. and then he uses the fucking asian shit about "kids are supposed to be fillial to their parents." fuck that. I don't even respect that piece of cow poo, why the fuck should i be fillial to him? At least i respect my mom. I don't pretend to respect people if they don't deserve it. he's an idiot but he doesnt even fucking realize it. argh.

anyways. Winterball is saturday. i can feel it. something's gonna go wrong. i don't even know why im hoping that it'll be a good day/night. something's gonna go wrong and its just going to be fucked up. just watch. (by the way. i can drive there and my dad's like...oh i'll take you. i was like. fuck no i'm going out on a proper date. with dinner and all that shit.) i want to just stay out of his way as much as possible. god. i'm so fucking tired. this week has been so fucking stressful. i was up til 4 on sunday working on a damn spanish project. and on monday i was up til 2 working on homework. and NO i did not procrastinate. i had ballet and got home at like 9 30. by tuesday i was nearly dead so i slept from 7 - 11 and i woke up crying. so i was like. fuck that i'm working on hw. and then wednesday i just wanted to scream because my dad's just being a bitch. today. my mom's leaving tomorrow. why can't it be my dad. i just...god. i can't stand being with him in the same house for more than an hour. because if things are perfectly fine being silent, he will come and try to annoy the fucking hell out of me on purpose until he sees me explode. then he'll just walk away and be like. you're an ass. or just cuss at me. if im lucky. he'll cuss and hit. god damn. this whole week i've just been fighting with tim. god sometimes he can be such an ass. and other times he can be so sweet. and i just and so tired of taking crap from people and having to deal with the fucking pressure of having asian parents 24.7. even other fucking asian parents arent like mine. they don't believe in fun. why? because they grew up having none. so why should i. god. i hate this. this week has just been fucked up. i'm back on this stupid thing that i do. and i can't help it. i tell myself each time. no more. i wont do it again. and i just end up doing it. but why should i care? sooner or later i'll die anyways. yeah so what. i'm a morbid freak ass girl. bite me.

i've begun to find myself feeling something of the past. and it's just not a good idea. especially when im in the situation i'm in. because then my selfish bias might blind me and i may end up hurting someone who doesnt deserve it.

damn boys. seriously.

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it's a new year! that's so exciting! I have a couple of Resolutions:

1. Find a pink star
2. win 4 million dollars
3. Lose weight!
4. Be nicer to people
5. do something wild and crazy in public
6. Be a fillial daughter
7. Smile and laugh as much as I can!
8. Buy something really expensive for me

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"How could you just leave me standing, Alone in a world so cold? Maybe you're just too demanding. Maybe I'm just like my father--too bold. Maybe you're just like my mother. She's never satisfied. Why do we scream at each other? This is what it sounds like, When doves cry." -- When Doves Cry.

I actually expected a good Christmas this year. Sometimes i'm just too gullible to believe in happiness being real. I think maybe because when i watch the movies and they show the happiness that a family can and should share, I sometimes fall and believe that my family can too possess that. someone needs to drill into my head that I'm ASIAN and that will never change.

I really want BobaCha. I have been deprived of it for FAR too long.

December 30th! Dakotas should be fun. A night away from the house and dancing too! I can't wait.

I keep reminding myself. Only 2 more years. I've lived through 16. Just two more years and I'll be gone. Just two more years and I can find out what life is. I don't think I've been sheltered. Whatever my parents tried to shelter me from, I went out and experienced it. The rest that comes with life I experienced at home. So maybe when I'm on my own, I'll find something real to allow me to believe that life does have meaning and that it doesn't have to be constantly an obligation.

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