Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
THe past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

okay. wtf. i finally got my license. and my dad's like. I can take you to school. he used to fucking complain that he had to take me and shit. i swear. he fucking gets pleasure out of getting under my skin. i try not to let him. but what the fucking hell is fucking wrong with him? my mom's leaving to singapore, so he tells me "when's she gone, i'm the boss here. im in control." i was like. what the fuck. you cant even fucking take care of yourself. all you do is seriously push yourself closer to death and you want to take care of me? if you can't even set a fucking example don't even try to "raise me" when you feel like it. I swear his ideal of raising me is by making me his fucking slave. and then he uses the fucking asian shit about "kids are supposed to be fillial to their parents." fuck that. I don't even respect that piece of cow poo, why the fuck should i be fillial to him? At least i respect my mom. I don't pretend to respect people if they don't deserve it. he's an idiot but he doesnt even fucking realize it. argh.

anyways. Winterball is saturday. i can feel it. something's gonna go wrong. i don't even know why im hoping that it'll be a good day/night. something's gonna go wrong and its just going to be fucked up. just watch. (by the way. i can drive there and my dad's like...oh i'll take you. i was like. fuck no i'm going out on a proper date. with dinner and all that shit.) i want to just stay out of his way as much as possible. god. i'm so fucking tired. this week has been so fucking stressful. i was up til 4 on sunday working on a damn spanish project. and on monday i was up til 2 working on homework. and NO i did not procrastinate. i had ballet and got home at like 9 30. by tuesday i was nearly dead so i slept from 7 - 11 and i woke up crying. so i was like. fuck that i'm working on hw. and then wednesday i just wanted to scream because my dad's just being a bitch. today. my mom's leaving tomorrow. why can't it be my dad. i just...god. i can't stand being with him in the same house for more than an hour. because if things are perfectly fine being silent, he will come and try to annoy the fucking hell out of me on purpose until he sees me explode. then he'll just walk away and be like. you're an ass. or just cuss at me. if im lucky. he'll cuss and hit. god damn. this whole week i've just been fighting with tim. god sometimes he can be such an ass. and other times he can be so sweet. and i just and so tired of taking crap from people and having to deal with the fucking pressure of having asian parents 24.7. even other fucking asian parents arent like mine. they don't believe in fun. why? because they grew up having none. so why should i. god. i hate this. this week has just been fucked up. i'm back on this stupid thing that i do. and i can't help it. i tell myself each time. no more. i wont do it again. and i just end up doing it. but why should i care? sooner or later i'll die anyways. yeah so what. i'm a morbid freak ass girl. bite me.

i've begun to find myself feeling something of the past. and it's just not a good idea. especially when im in the situation i'm in. because then my selfish bias might blind me and i may end up hurting someone who doesnt deserve it.

damn boys. seriously.

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